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    Be a mother


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colourbox_preview_532505.jpgI really enjoy baking! Today I made an apple cake, as we had guests. After becoming a mother, it has become more important to me to be somewhat more of a housewive than before… baking cakes from the ground (i.e. not using any ready-made cake mixes) and ironing the clothes. Perhaps I’m trying to recreate the stability and good feelings represented by my grandparents. My grandfather, whom I considered as my “father”, died seven years ago, and I still miss him. My grandmother is still living and in good health, but someday she’ll pass away, and my second set of parents, my favourite set, will be gone. And it will be, as a matter of fact it is already, up to me to bring on the things I learned from them.

As my father failed in all ways, except in providing us with enough money, and my mother also is a victime of his tyrannic behaviour, I’ve always regarded my grandparents as my role models. (They are my mother’s parents)

Wednesday’s work session with our auditor went well. We’ll have another one next week, but I’m not so tense about it. But, I’ve made another mistake, effecting all the employees. I’ve forgotten to report to the government tax office the income and the tax they’ve paid during the last year… I get uncertain about myself… previously I never made any mistakes… I’m a perfectionist, and have always been preoccupied with never making any mistakes. But this is one… and yesterday I came 30 minutes late to an appointment. That’s not like me either. I don’t understand why I’m making mistakes. And – the worst (?) thing is that I’m rather calm about it. My husband tells me I’m becoming normal…