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Naked

I went to a store today and wore a t-shirt with very short sleeves and jogging-trousers somewhat thight-fitted and just below the knee in length. Not an outfit I would wear going to work or to the city, but more of an at-home-outfit I use at home and when going to a store where I drive up to the door and go straight in. Comfortable clothes. Strolling through the store I suddenly saw a Muslim lady with an hijab and long sleeves and long skirt, and I felt almost naked… I felt an urgent need to go home and cover myself somewhat more. If I had wore a t-shirt with half sleeves and a long skirt, I doubt that I would’ve felt the same nakedness.

I’m not a muslim, and I don’t feel a need (or calling) to cover that much, but seeing the Muslim woman and feeling the nakedness – it made me think about which one of us is the most liberated woman… me dressing in fitted clothing showing all my bumps and lumps and bare arms, or her covered and modest, hiding her body under loose fitted clothing. I know that I didn’t feel good in the clothes I wore, all though they were comfortable (stretchable material).

I feel it is due time I start to wear more modest clothing, thus practicing what I believe is true… But a problem arises – what to do with the half-modest clothes I already have? I can’t afford to give away almost all of my clothes in order to buy new more modest ones. Almost all my skirts are just below the knee, and my t-shirts are tight fitting, because I’ve tried to look smaller by not hiding myself under large “tents”… Have I felt comfortable? No – because I’ve been very body conscious, and disliked myself because of my stomach, large breasts and generally large body… And I have probably attracted attention to my body by wearing these clothes.

Can wearing thights under the knee-length skirt make the outfit modest?

Homemaker according to God’s will

4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. (Titus 2 (New King James Version))

I’m trying to live according to this, but I’ve only just started on this journey of becoming a “Titus 2 woman”. Due to my father being a psycho-/sociopat (what is the difference?) treating me as his servant, over time I built a lot of anger inside me, and I’ve been determined to not let anyone boss me around like he did. This resulted in me letting my husband do all the housework, cooking and so on. I sought to do less than him, afraid of him becoming my household slave master, like my father was, if I showed him that I too could do some housework. But as my husband is in all manners different from my father (except in the fact that they’re both men), I have nothing to fear.

And, in the recent year, I’ve felt as though my husband manages the household so well without me, that there’s no room for me. He’s only doing the housework because he’s kind to me, but I’ve come to think that he’s doing too much. In doing almost all the household chores, he’s pushed me out of my home in some sort. I think that the woman should be the main homemaker, the one responsible for all the household chores, and that the husband can help her by doing some housework delegated to him by the wife. I’ve seen that when my husband is away on business trips, and I’m responsible for all the household in that period, I’m proud of the work I do, and I’m doing what’s right for me. And it gives me more meaning to my life – I’m needed! I have a role to fill, I have tasks to do.

The family is the main component of a society. That’s the Church’s teaching. The man and the wife have both important roles to fill in the family. To me, it’s difficult to understand how so many women with a family can aspire towards personal realisation through work outside of home. Of course, if one is certain that ones home and family doesn’t suffer from the outside work, one can aspire towards having a career. But that would require the woman to be some sort of super-woman, both able to be a mother, wife, homemaker, and career woman. Or, if all the housework is done by someone else, the career thing would be possible. But one still need enough energy to be a mother and a wife. Even though the Churc teaches that a marriage should be open for children, I think that some people should not have kids. It’s better for a couple pursuing their careers and not open for any other priorities, to refrain from having children, than for them to have children that are unhapy because both parents work too much.

I’m a fan of peoples’ right to choose what’s best for one self. I don’t think we should go back to the fifties where only the unmarried, or widowed women worked. But I think that more women should choose part-time work, or even quitting work for a period, in order to devote themselves to their family and children. As not all women are suited to have children, I don’t want it to become an obligation, but I think it should be a different focus in the society. We need to admire the ones devoting themselves to others, in stead of admiring ego-sentric people aspiring towards the fullfilment of their personal goals, not considering the consequences on others.